Hey! Before you keep reading just want to let you know that this it’s free advice based on a lot of people experiences, and I’m just trying to do my best on sharing all this with you. I know neither me, my techniques and my English aren’t perfect, but that’s not why we are here, so relax and try to read/watch without prejudices. That does not mean if you find anything wrong you can’t say it, because I would love to hear any feedback/correction you have. We are here to learn and help each other.
Hardly to believe but things are like Elton John says in his song it’s not sacrifice. Simple relationships are based on mutual trust and mutual satisfaction of their best qualities and each other wants.
This means that nobody will give more than what is ready to give and that the other partner will receive it as enough and without any complaints, knowing that both are doing their best effort without excuses. But this effort has to come from something natural and inherent on their personalities, and not from an extra effort in order to make the other partner happy.
It’s ok to give or do whatever you want to give or do to your other half, after all you love him and you want to see him happy. Even if you never did or gave that kind of things to anyone else before, because that means you are giving yourself 100% into that relationship and you won’t have anything to regret.
But the moment one person start doing more than she wants or thinks she needs to do for her man, that moment everything changes in your relationship, because you are setting what I call the “reciprocity stage” and it never ends well.
At this stage you start to make conscious sacrifices, and because you are aware of that, you start asking to receive back other things from your man, that in most cases did not ask you to do anything at first place.
And the worst part it’s that if you don’t stop this, you’ll end in a really dangerous spiral that will ruin your relationship forever. Because you’ll put your partner in this stage as well, and both of you will be doing and giving things that you think are important for the other, but not the things that you really need or want, it will become in some kind of competition and you’ll have the unconformity feeling of doing this extra effort, giving and doing more than what you can, without receiving what you want. Until finally one of you will cut the relationship leaving both of you, really hurt and with wrong ideas of what happened.
This may be the biggest reason of most relationship failures, when most of couples affirm that everything was perfect, they loved each other, and they did their best effort, but was impossible to get what each other wanted, so even though there was love, you preferred to finish your story together.
So, whenever you start a new relationship, make sure you are 100% confident and comfortable with all the things you are doing and giving, and of course, receiving. If any doubt comes in place, talk with your partner about it and explain him you want to avoid this spiral, that will be just easier and health your relationship since the beginning.
Every time I try to explain this concept I make reference to that movie with Jennifer Aniston where she ask her boyfriend to wash the dishes, and he says: “ok I’ll do it” but that’s not what she really wants, so she says: “I don’t want you to just wash the dishes, what I want is you to WANT to wash the dishes”.
Now, in order to be fair and since I’m a man J. I could say that if any man enjoy cleaning, cooking, taking out the garbage, or doing whatever other task not necessarily because it may be fun but because he knows in first place that it’s necessary to do it and also that you as his girlfriend will be happy if he do it, and he does not mind at all to do it, then please for god sake don’t annoy him telling he has to do it, because you know what? He already WANTS to wash the dishes! And in my point of view, you already won the lottery and you are already avoiding the “reciprocity stage”.
Don’t just read/watch without saying at least hello. I have been waiting for you a very long time, and who knows maybe you are the best match for someone else around here (including me :P) so don’t be shy and let us know your thoughts leaving a comment or sending me an email to info at findingtheidealandbalancedman dot com. Happy searching!
[author] [author_image timthumb=’on’]http://www.findingtheidealandbalancedman.com/images/enrique-foto-linkedin-jpg.jpg[/author_image] [author_info]Luis Enrique Martinez has dedicated part of his life to research what mans and woman really wants from each other in order to find the most compatible matches and create a lasting relationship. He is on the mission of helping every woman to find the ideal and most desirable man they could ever dream about.[/author_info] [/author]